Being back in camp Squeeze brings with it so many complicated feelings, and chord sheets. After a week on the fret board I found myself overloaded with driving a lack of sleep and the songs. However with Yolanda and Steve in the band there is a lift to the walk, and my parts fall into place over time. Two days in a grown up rehearsal room and I find myself driving home so tired that I have to eat and go straight to bed. I feel sadness as leaving home approaches and I wonder why it never seems to get easier to be that guy. On the one hand I see the chair in the corner by the window and think, that’s where I belong. Then there is the commitment to what is. I try hard to hand my feelings over but the going back to school feelings buckle my shoe. I need rest food and some sunshine but that’s not on this current menu. Yes I’m grateful for what I have it’s all wonderful but I can’t ignore my feelings of sadness. Louise provides such great support for me but she can’t get past the school gates either. Louise and I hold each other in the moment which then passes like life will itself. I’m exhausted and the doors are not even open. Our first warm up show is in Canterbury, a place which represents recovery. It was here when in Promis 25 years ago that i fell into my first round of AA meetings, and its here where Phillip lives as a Monk, something i think i would be good at, being quite, praying and eating nice food. Phillip was a big inspiration to me at the time. I jumped in the car from the stage and another three hours on the closed roads of England off to find my bed at the Holiday Inn Stonehendge. It breaks the journey. Overall the traveling today had me in the car for over six hours, home to hotel via the show, it never gets easier. Sanctuary.

Next stop Exmouth, a reserved crowd at first but once they swallowed up the new songs, and fell in with the new look and the new sound of the band they eat out of our hands. The second warm up seemed as long as the first but i think its now very difficult to know what to cull as they all sound pretty good. The feeling in the dressing room was one of good humour and cordial pursuits, even with the lingering fish and chip waste bin in the corner groaning away. The classic story of Miles and his new splitter van, he didn’t spray the roof as he claims nobody sees it anyway. Alright Rodney. Fish and chips and then on to the Holiday Inn Exeter. 20 minutes away. Phew. Chords sinking in slowly.

Up for a shit breakfast and then 3 hours in the car and this time we are playing in a small hall in South Wales, backstage one loo, one dressing room crowded with dips and crisps, soft drinks and way too many bottles of red wine. Another good show but the elephants in the room could be heard, the over weighted songs that need to rest before we hit the main leg of the tour next week. Technically things are only balanced by our wonderful sound manager Peter, my in ear sound is perfect. I sound like Sting some nights! Off stage, again, and into my car and then the driving rain for a four hour drive to a smelly Holiday Inn in Mold North Wales. A very mad drive, roads closed, A roads and B roads and some wet and windy conditions. Three hours kip fly by and back into the car for another hour to the ferry from Holyhead to Dublin, which is where i am now, knackered but well fed, thanks to a fantastic Pakistani restaurant which plays Country and Western Music, has decaf coffee and ice cream. The crossing was rough at times, but it will be rougher tomorrow and thats why i raced to catch this earlier ferry. I miss home, thats what the touring does, it makes you realise where home is. Mrs D is busy with friends and the children taxi service she provides. I miss her very much too, and wish were 18 years old and could elope together. Thats a fantasy upstairs for another day, night.

I did an interview today over the phone to a radio station in New York about the book, and the interviewer nailed the arc of the story and made my day. I feel great pride when people hear the penny drop and releases the real story within. I’m looking forward to the re release in March and the paperback versions iv yet to write. Lots more to add and lots more to subtract too. So here we are then back on the bloody road, same faces some of the same songs and some familiar feelings too. I hope it pays the rent, of coarse I’m the last to know. Empty halls are suddenly filled with people and the sounds of our songs, those people sing and feel the connection of time, they drift into a space of now where they can be as one as the audience. We, although i can only really speak for me, have to be on salute and deliver the evening in a nice tight and happy manor. Its what i do. Dublin has many memories, two more night here I’m sure will only fill the soul with more I’m sure. If i stand on tip toes in my room i can see the ferry in the port and the city resting on the River Liffey just along the way. Time to fill the laundry bag with dirties and hit the sack. My eyes are burning, my arms are longing and hurting, my heart is hanging low and my head is full of cold chords and curry.