When we die we are remembered for many different reasons, and when I think of people I know who have passed away I have a clear picture, just one piece in the puzzle, that I can clearly see. Images and memories are linked by words and thoughts, the emotional currency of these images is often […]
When we die we are remembered for many different reasons, and when I think of people I know who have passed away I have a clear picture, just one piece in the puzzle, that I can clearly see. Images and memories are linked by words and thoughts, the emotional currency of these images is often left to fade and the jigsaw is cleared away once again. Mother, Father, brother, Maxine, Jools dad, Barny’s mum, Will Palin and others. Everyone I know, or knew, has an image linked to their life. The passing of time, you could say is like the still images on a roll of film going through a shutter on a projector, my projector. And on my screen I get to see the passing of time from the comfortable seat of me. I doubt I will see the final frame of seeing myself, but if I did what would I see? With 57 years in my wake there might be much to see. But often we only get to witness the one image. Cools for cats image. Father image, skint image or the dog eared image of me trying to be in the next moment. I have lived in more than 20 houses or flats, I have had more than 20 cars, I have had a wonderful creative life captured in music and song. All just places and things. Money has made a nest for myself and four children. I have loved and been loved. I have been hurt and hurt others too. My spiritual journey has only just begun and as I understand the makings of now I realise that this is all we have in life, one frame of the movie at a time. What I do with my day and the remaining time I have is all up to me. I do think that I can change the way I see tomorrow by simply being more in today. There is no deadline. Music is just like water, it flows over me, children are perfect examples of the now, it’s all about the now for them. I’m hungry, I’m on the Internet, I’m looking in the mirror, I’m reading my book, I need money, I’m working, I’m being, I’m feeling. Nothing maters more these days than this moment and how it roots our needs. The next part of my life has begun and for this to be different to the last I need to look at the passing of time and take my mistakes, all of them, to the front and look at them with a kind and understanding eye. I will always make mistakes, we all do, I can recalibrate the way in which they effect me and others around me who I love. I can never be perfect it’s true to say, to untie the complicated knot that is me would take another lifetime, and why would I. Here in this cinema of the obscured images I sit and pop corn my way through the next few moments while I remember the people I have loved and lost. The next part of my life is like a clear plot in an allotment, it’s ready now for planting, I have all the seeds in my hand, I have the soil turned by love, I have the sunshine and the rain. This journey is mine alone. But I can share it with the ones I love, and that’s all I want to do. It might be all that there is. Life has given me luck and a fair wind, I have come so far on lashings of both. These days don’t come back. Alone I’m always out numbered. Happy birthday little boy, take that toy car and put it in the box, read the book you never read, write the words you never thought you could and love he woman who loves you more than you can ever imagine. Let everything settle like sand when the tide goes out, sharpen the image you have of yourself and make the next frame more interesting than the last. Take the balloons and find a space in the sky for yourself and up there you will see that down here all there is is all that you see and feel. It’s not complicated it’s not clever or stupid, it’s just how it is. Home is here, open the door and put your slippers on, put on the pj’s and enjoy the journey there will never be a better time than now. For my birthday wonderful treats, i cried with the joy of excepting the things i can not change. The best birthday by far. Thank you.