I have never known anything as stressful as releasing a book, I have been laying awake for many nights concerned about other people’s feelings. If I could I would buy up all the stock and leave it out for recycling. It all started as a self assessment, a diary of passing feelings tracing my journey thus far in life. A sculpture of words in being. I want to climb the walls of Amazon buildings and remove every copy from its shelves. I want to stop now. Sadly it’s too late and that cat is out of its bag, so what can I do. I’m sorry to anyone I may have unwittingly offended or left out of my read. I take full responsibility for my actions in each and every twist of its tail. I’m proud to have come this far though, to the departure gate, but the flight is screaming out to me, as it always does. Time will pass and I will find slumber in my mistakes, a lesson in all things simple. Reading the book in an audio suite was deeply emotional and I struggled to get past every chapter, in doing so I discovered more about me than I bargained for. But it’s done. I’m not sure what’s been archived beyond the obvious. As the reviews begin to flow I hang on like the spider in the bath trying hard to grip trying hard not to be washed away with the letting go. Today the Sunday Mail pulled the celeb from the pages and printed it. I was shocked to be stood like cold gravy on the stove, the skin being pulled back to reveal nothing of the true nature of the book, but there it is. The arc of my story is not this, although it is in part, the real story is deeper in the book divided between chapters evenly, i think, to show how my journey has been. Not simple, not very straight forward but often delightful and full of love. So there it is, out there and my head is left full of doubt, as i did not see this coming, this fear and sleepless nights. These are middle class issues compared to those who have less to moan about, perhaps less to deal with on a daily basis. I have tripped myself up, and I’m feeling less of luck. Luck is one of those things that i have been blessed with over the years, but its been inconsistant and at times out of proportion. Today the old horse shoe needs a hoof, not mine it seems.